Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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