Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
