i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
