Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
