proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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