Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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