Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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