He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
