k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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