she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
