around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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