She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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