I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize