I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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