guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
we're so committed to being not committed
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
ok first of all what the fuck
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
