We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
