His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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