Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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