ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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