Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize