dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You ruined the universe
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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