Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
