If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
