But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
