I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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