Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
