um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
honey bunches of taint.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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