Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
