Have you finally orgasmed yet?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
