textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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