I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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