Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
