Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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