It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
