making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
