You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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