Pants 0. Shit 1.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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