the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
