Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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