I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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