You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
