Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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