You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
