i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
