Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
