How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Randomize
