i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
