Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
