i just wanna soil my oats bro
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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