Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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