discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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