She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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