I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
