I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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