Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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