its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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