There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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