She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
