PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
