I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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