the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I haven't been this sober since birth.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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