She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
