Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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