Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
