WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
