Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize