If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
P.S. I can't hear my feet
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
