Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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