ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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