She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
