Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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