I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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