I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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