I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
