is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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