I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
